The state funeral for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is approaching and, as the world looks on, many people have been taken by surprise at how deeply they have been affected by the news of her passing.
The death of such a public figure can often trigger unexpected feelings of grief and personal loss. No matter your feelings or relationship towards the monarchy, the death of the Queen may have affected you, or someone you know, in a surprisingly deep way, bringing on feelings of loss, pain, regret and anxiety.
When feelings of loss and grief happen, it can be useful to have coping tools to hand to help you manage your emotions and be able to carry on with everyday life.
Find Ways to Express Your Grief
We’ve moved on from the ’stiff upper lip’ times of old and, thankfully, we now understand that not recognising our feelings or allowing ourselves to experience them can have a hugely detrimental effect to our long, lasting mental health.
Grief can result in feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, guilt and despair. All of these are valid responses so be kind to yourself if and when they (or others) arise. Spend time with your emotions and do your best to not run away from them, no matter how painful they may be.
‘Owning’ our grief and allowing it to exist can be a very powerful tool in learning how to manage it. Actively grieving, by taking time each day to purposefully sit with your feelings - maybe writing them down or recording how you feel - can have a very positive effect on your relationship and response to the loss you’re experiencing.
Don’t put a time limit on your grief
Grief is almost always inevitable after a major loss, but how long it will stay with you is absolutely unknown. Don’t be tempted to put a deadline on when you’ll ‘feel better’ as this will only lead to disappointment, upset or even depression.
Grief isn’t a straight line journey. It comes in waves, can disappear and reappear. It does, more often, lessen with time but don’t put any pressure on it to do so in a time that suits you as this will only backfire.
Take Care of Your Own Self
While you’re dealing with the mental and emotional responses to your loss, be sure to keep an eye on your physical self too.
Eat well, exercise and stay active, and try to create as good a sleep routine as you can manage.
Grieving can be physically very draining, you’ll feel tired, you might struggle to sleep (or be sleeping too much) and you may well lose your appetite for a while. If you can actively try to keep these daily agendas on track by eating good nutritious meals and getting fresh air and movement into your day, you should find that your sleep pattern will be helped too. Taking care of your physical self will give you the strength to deal with the emotional stresses you’re going through.
Talk to the Right People
If you feel that you need professional support then do seek out some grief support groups or specialists where you can specifically talk about the feelings you’re going through. Your GP or local health centre will be able to help you find somewhere suitable.
However, don’t feel when you’re grieving that you must only surround yourself with people who can talk to you about your grief. While it’s hugely important to share your feelings, it’s equally important to be allowed to talk about ‘normal’ things too. Don’t feel guilty if, actually, you really want to talk about a sporting event that’s happening, or about your child’s painting or a programme you’ve recently seen on television.
It’s absolutely ok to spend time with friends or family and not talk about your loss. Spending time with others is very important, and feeling connected with people who care is often as comforting as talking about your feelings can be. There is more to grief than sadness.
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September 2022